Nice vs Bitch

I used to be a nice as I can but at the end its hurting me...Its really hurt...how I'm gonna laugh in front of them if there is always have a scissor inside my heart...I have being a bith before and I tell u what its really awesome...I have a great life, my friends all with me...with a great job...so many guys chasing me and I feel like a heaven...
I just love myself and everything I do ist only about me and me and me...Now, its change when I met you..I dont know now...I dont know how...

Sick and Tired!!!

It seems so easy when we just said it rather than do it...i cant change my life now even i want to, and the question is why???? I have try to pull him out of my minds but when the times pass by, I still have that those feelings...sometimes I will text him eventhought I know that he wont replied me, but I never give up...and I really hate it..... I wanna be a good friend with him just like we were before but everythings wont be the same because I knew someday I might be pushing him to accept me back and it might broken our relationships even worst...I dont wanna lose him, or I already had??? thinking about it make me sick and so damn exhausted!!! he so awesome but his not mine...i might not in his heart but he always in my mind...he dont need me anymore, but I want to be with him, to love and to be loved by him...and even I tried to find someone else, at the end I will turn on him again and again and again...really makes me feel tired...arghhhhhhh...why dont you understand that I love you so much...why we were in this type of situation...wanting you will breaking their feelings, and letting you go will put a knife in my heart forever...I feel like I'm dying even I'm breathing...and I'm so tired...so damn tired!!!!

I've never mad at you...and you know its true...

I will not gonna mad at you if you made your move today and say "after this dont ever call and send sms anymore". because you use to said it before. I've heard it for several times. and you keep on comes and goes in my life. and actually not only you doing that towards me, there is someone also where do the same but the different is, he is more gentle than you. Because he did mentioned that we are just friends.
At first we met, u just said that we just be like brother and sister, suddently you just walk away..
Later when you came back you ask me to be your gf, and I agree..but you go again leaving me speechless..
Then a few years later, you came back and want me to be your fiancee and I agree..unfortunately things were not like we have planned..and you were missing again..
And now you come with your new look and ask me to be your wife..and I said, I do...but why you dont reply my messages, didn't pick up my calls..
and you knew that I've never mad at you..
because I'll forgives you no matter what, not because I love you because right now, I dont really know what is 'LOVE'..but I'm just afraid of losing you forever..I MISS YOU...

p/s: the only person that I LOVE is you FIK...yes you...

Its Hurts

I keep on telling myself to hold on...dont ever cry in front of anyone...keep it for myself and let it go when I'm alone...but its really hurt...
I keep on smilling in front of everyone...sharing my laugh together with them...make them happy...but sometimes inside my heart, I'm crying and its painful...
I keep on telling my friends that whatever happens, I will always be at their side, for better or worst, I will stick with them...to see them felt down its really breaking my heart...
But when its come to this situation, I cant hold anymore...I dont want you to leave me, thats all I ask...yes, I've never said that I love you from the first time we met, but inside my heart I really do...I know that I made a mistakes, but it doesn't mean that you were always right...if you never love me then why my dear, why you ask for mine??? yet I never put a blame on you...you are always welcome and hurting me over and over again, yet I still forgive you...I know and I always realize that I'm not perfect, and I need you to complete me...you are my heart, my soul, my life and the most important things that you are MY LOVE...If we ever meet again, I just wanna to say that I LOVE YOU so much...but I dont know whether I still have a chance to say it or not...and I guest, I dont have it...and its really really really hurts...

YANG KU TAHU CINTA ITU INDAH

TAK PERNAH AKU MEMBAYANGKANNYA
BILA INSAN SEDANG PATAH HATI
KALI INI KU RASAKAN SESUNGGUHNYA

SIANG HARIKU BAGAIKAN MALAM
PELANGI PUN BERWARNAKAN KELAM
INIKAH YANG DINAMAKAN PATAH HATI

TAK INGIN KU JALANI CINTA YANG BEGINI
YANG KUTAHU CINTA ITU INDAH
TAK INGIN KU RASAKAN JIWA YANG TAK TENANG
KUMAU KAU TETAP DI SISI KU

DAN TAK INGIN KURASAKAN JIWA YANG TAK TENANG
KU MAU KAU TETAP DI SISI KU

SIANG HARI KU BAGAIKAN MALAM
PELANGI PUN BERWARNAKAN KELAM

I love you...but...

Sometimes i wonder why we meet again after such a long times we have been separated...is it because we were meant to be together or maybe just as a friends and not more than that...but things cant be change right...and you know that I love you so much...even sometimes i feel tired but i didnt give up anyway, and i hate that. I really wish i COULD FORGET EVERYTHINGS ABOUT YOU JUST LIKE YOU DONT EXIST IN MY LIFE NOT EVEN IN MY HEART OR MY MIND. You know something, I have met someone and I think he could replace your place but I was wrong, not because he doesn't want me, but how do you expect when he knew that I still in love with you, yes you! I have hurt him by hurting myself. Are you happy with that???? Of course you probably said that it wasn't your fault, but the thruth is you were never let me go...you are still there, but never show up...I feel so lonely, but try to makes everyones happy...I'm crying but always wanna makes people laughing...because i cannot tell them, I love you...even they knew bout it, I still have to denied it...because you are my......and we cannot be together because we just cant...

They said I have to opened my heart for someone else, I want it...I really do but I cant find the key...did the key missing or just because there is no door so why should i need the key?? but I know and I believe that one day I will meet someone who is better than you and loved me more than I do...and he will be my husband, my heart and my soul...I believe in HIM...InsyaAllah...

AdOyai.....

hadooiii...aper la nak jadi nieyh...hurmmmmmm pagi bangun pergi kerja, cakap jerk 'office hours' tapi sedeyh le...hari2 balik kul 7.30pm, then 8.30pm after that up sket 9.30 nanti tido terus kat office kowt...plus sabtu ngan ahad nak kene kerja lagi...klu tak nanti pending la file sumer...klu lambat submit, kene dengar ceramah puan la pulak...boleh tak klu nak lari jerk dari sini...nak g bercuti ker...huh!!!! I wanna fly like a bird, doraemon please help me....nasib la hari2 boleh call mama, so tak la terasa tension sangat...hadoiyaiiiiiiii...ingat biler dah kerja ok la, tapi lagi bosan, lagi penat, lagi tak der masa nak hangiut ngan kawan2, lagi tak der masa untuk cari life partner...no wonder la ramai WANITA SUCI yang bekerjaya sekarang yer...agaknyer bukan sebab tak der orang nak tapi sebab tak der masa nak bagi commitment kowt...tak lama lagi, I might be joint the group....to tak kesah la...tapi yang kesah nyer sekarang kerja nie terlalu banyak...nak submit ikowt date plak tuh...dah la sekarang kene jadi CPR ngan CR.....heeeeee giler la....aper salahnyer klu ikowt jerk system yang sebelom nieyh...dah tu bahagian DC ramai plak walhal pasal tuh la mereka boleh balik awal...tapi TERLAMPAU AWAL kowt...saper tak sakit hati...yang jadi CPR nie kene stay sampai malam, dah tu sabtu ahad kene datang lagi...tension la....TOLONG LA PAHAM, I'm not robot...robot pown tahu nak rehat gak...dah la gaji sikit...tak berbaloi tau tak...bukan nak naikkan gaji ker...yang tahu nyer...'nie file you nanti process ok', 'nah nie file you, nanti cepat2 request RS ok', ' nie file dalam task list you, nanti process tau'....bla bla bla...tapi kata orang sumer kerja pown susah and penat kan...tapi orang laen yang satu banggunan nie tak nampak pown macam tuh, so this is not fair!!!!!!

best nyer klu dapat dipindahkan ke department laen....tak nak kat data entry nie....tapi kat department laen tu pown tak nak lama2, dalam sebulan cukup la....then balik semula ke bahagian data entry nie...hehehe...bahagian laen memangla relax, tapi nanti kene gossip plak...lagi la choy...sana mengata, sini mengumpat, sana cakap belakang....heeeeee lagi la syial...so baik wat data entry so tak la bercakap sangat ngan orang, klu dah 24 jam kene tengok pc jerk....nasib la mata nie cuma tak nampak jauh jerk, klu tak kene la pakai spek sepanjang waktu kerja...lagi haru...nak tukar kerja boleh tak??? tapi klu kerja kat bank laen pown sama jerk la kan, kene process bende yang sama jugak...ngadap pc pown nanti lebih kurang macam kat sini jugak la kan...hadoiiiii....nak jadi manager la klu macam nie...even kene ngadapa pc, tapi sealu g out station...hahahaha...tak pown jadi SECRETARY mana2 datok atau orang besar yang kerj nyer asyik terbang jerk...untung2 dapat kenal ngan orang luar negara yang handsome, terus kawen jadi rakyat negara luar....hahahaha...STOP IT!!!!!!! wake up!!!! it wont happened ok...but i reaaly wish i would be reality...ok la, got to go...banyak lagi file yang menanti jari jemari ini untuk mengira berapakah pinjaman yang mereka dapat...setiap file mempunyai harapan so kene la laksanakan tanggungjawab nie...SMILE ALWAYS yer...baru la boleh wat kerja ngan tenang...I Wish....