Sick and Tired!!!

It seems so easy when we just said it rather than do it...i cant change my life now even i want to, and the question is why???? I have try to pull him out of my minds but when the times pass by, I still have that those feelings...sometimes I will text him eventhought I know that he wont replied me, but I never give up...and I really hate it..... I wanna be a good friend with him just like we were before but everythings wont be the same because I knew someday I might be pushing him to accept me back and it might broken our relationships even worst...I dont wanna lose him, or I already had??? thinking about it make me sick and so damn exhausted!!! he so awesome but his not mine...i might not in his heart but he always in my mind...he dont need me anymore, but I want to be with him, to love and to be loved by him...and even I tried to find someone else, at the end I will turn on him again and again and again...really makes me feel tired...arghhhhhhh...why dont you understand that I love you so much...why we were in this type of situation...wanting you will breaking their feelings, and letting you go will put a knife in my heart forever...I feel like I'm dying even I'm breathing...and I'm so tired...so damn tired!!!!